Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
