Farmville is her only friend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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