so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
