You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
