if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
