you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
