Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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