wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
