we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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