Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
