tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
