Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
