I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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