i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
These tits shall not be calmed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
