I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
