She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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