I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
where am i from again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
