just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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