Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
