Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
