i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
