Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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