I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
