rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
