I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
