Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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