I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
