I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
