I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
