FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
