you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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