She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
