walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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