I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
