He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
