i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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