some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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