I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
