I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
