Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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