why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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