my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize