I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
