So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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