I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
