I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
