Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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