I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
