i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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