i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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