So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
