How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
