I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize