ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love black thongs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
