Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
