had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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