Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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