Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
