I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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