words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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