it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
