I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
