At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize