your parents love me but you hate me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
