I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
