did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
