We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
