she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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