It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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