Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I intend to get homeless drunk
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
