i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
