every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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